My Piece of Hopes

Bismillahhhirrahmannirrahim.

Alhamdulillah. Last night, I arrived at Seremban at about a quarter past eleven and the train station, of course was quite placid. Thanks to Allah because my very reliable friend, Azlina disposed to escort me. It was an emergency. I had to go back home because my father will have a medical operation this week. So, I must have a run into him first before he enters the surgery ward. Please pray for my father.



When I reached home, as usual the first thing I will do is 'spring-cleaning' my room. Of course, when we out of home and our room have a big possibility to be entered by the 'small monstersss' (actually my small brothers =.=' ), don't be so optimist that your room will be in the same and in a good condition as it does when you leave it. And here, I want to shortcut the cleaning scene. When I rearranged my old books and my old paraphernalia of my school epoch, by chance I found my 'Blue Diary'; the WITNESS of all my destitutions in through my life in the school. T__T



And when I recited the book, I realise that all this while, I am a kind of person that love to jot down whatever that was up-to-the-minute around me and whatever I was thinking about in the book. Then, I paused at a page of 'my feeling' and got traumatized when I read this:



"Bismillahhirrahmannirrahim.
'' Ya Allah, Kau kuatkanlah hatiku dalam menempuh ujian ini.."

Doa ini sering aku lafazkan di dalam solat ku setiap hari. Sekarang aku merasakan hanya Allah sebaik-baik tempat aku mengadu. Bukan senang hendak menghadapi semua perkara ini berseorangan. Bukan mudah untuk aku melupakan segalanya. Setiap hari, air mataku pasti berlinang mengenang segala dosa dan kesilapan yang telah aku lakukan.



Ya Rabbi..kadangkala aku merasa langsung tiada daya untuk mengharungi semua ini. Aku merasa hamper putus asa.Tetapi, aku tahu..dan aku cuba mengerti, bahawa segala yang berlaku ini adalah tanda kasih sayangmu kepadaku, ya Allah.. aku percaya, selepas kesusahan pasti akan datang kesenangan. Inna ma'al 'usriyusra. Aku yakin dengan janjiMuya Allah..

AKU YAKIN ya Allah..laranyahatikuini..



Beri kekuatan padaku yaRahman. Aku tidak mahu menitiskan air mata di hadapan sahabat-sahabatku ya Allah. Tunjukkan aku jalan yang lurus..aku amat bersyukur padaMu kerana Engkau masih mengkehendaki aku untuk mengingatiMu ya Allah..



Kau himpunkanlah segala duka bagiku di dunia, supaya aku dapat tersenyum di padang Mahsyar kelak….

'Ya Rabbi, sudilah pandang kami..terangi jalan gelap ini..jangan biarkan aku terus sendiri..mencari, mendaki dan berduri..Ya Rabbi, dengarlah doaku ya Rabbi..hadirlah dalam kehidupan kematian kami..cubaan, ujiankulalui..YaAllahmYaRahmanYa Rahim…'



Pulihkan semangatkuYa Allah.Bimbinglah aku.Aku ingin berada di jalanMu. Ihdinassirotolmustaqim. Terbitkanlah sifat ikhlas dalam hatiku dalam melakukan apa sahaja pekerjaan Ya Allah. Semuanya adalah berpaksikan niatku keranaMu ya Allah.



Jauhkanlah fikiranku dari berfikir bahawa aku sedang keseorangan. Aku mesti dan wajib yakin yang Engkau selalu bersamaku Ya Allah. Pandangan manusia terhadap diriku tidak penting. Biarlah mereka menganggap apa sahaja yang mereka suka. Apa yang paling penting dalam seluruh hidupku, adalah pandangan Mu yaRahman.."



14 April 2009. Musolla.



End of page.


When I read this, I remember all the sufferings and distress i was fronting on that time. T__T

That is my piece of hopes when I was learning in the school. When so many scrapes came, and my friends impugned me, I feel alone in that jiffy. It was just one thing that I can do in that phase. JUST PRAY TO ALLAH.



To all my old school chums, thanks a lot, because you all had taught me what the true meaning of this life existence is.



Love you all. Because of Allah.